I don’t know why i do it and I don’t know why I thought of it.

There are those occasions in life where you do the stupidest things or rather you finally just snap at the things that seem to tick you off. The kind where you lash out at a number of things or even the small things the really really petty petty small things just irritate the heck out of you. And you end up being just a bully. An irrational bully. Which probably you did not mean to be, but it came out that way.

Why do we behave that way?
Why did we do the things we just did?
Why did I lash out?
What was the purpose of doing it?

To just prove a point? To make a statement?

To WHAT?

Enjoy another person’s misery? Sometimes I really find myself to be a . Sickening ain’t it, when we realise that there is this little monster side of us, that we wish to suppress but surfaces at the worse of times.

Best part is when one gets into an argument, they just keep going at it. It doesn’t stop and it can go round and round in circles. Because both parties believe so strongly in what they wish to believe, hear and see -or remember.

I sometimes wonder do i go on with a conversational fight because I hope to win - meaning I want the other side to listen to me and change. Or do i go on with it because I have a hidden to want to push the other away. Indirectly. Is that what I want? We both say that we are treating each other as crap so… who wins? who changes for the better? who gives?

Sigh, at this point maybe I could be in the wrong. On the other hand the way I see it, the other party is in the wrong. Yet we have no proof and can’t show why we did what we did cause it was all either virtual or nerves being hit.

I know that even if I were to say sorry, the other may not give. Probably just pushes even away even more.

Funny thing it is this push effect..

Sigh.. sniff