Aronil

For the past couple of days, I’ve been a little up tight.. ever since Thursday to be precise. It’s already bad enough that I have been rushing to and fro all over the place for not just rehearsals and interview and in between meeting a possible client… There will be at least one minor thing which will just cause my days to go even more topsy turvy.

On Friday, I had met up with Colin (and i’m still sorrryyyyyyy) to rehearse our piece “A Late Lunch” (ALL) for the stage performance called “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” this coming September. The piece in general is about the relationship between a father and daughter… I’ll just end it at that.

The wonderful thing I love about the scripts i’m working with here, is that there is tons of layering for the characters. A few weeks back, i was just scraping the surface of the characters i had to play (as the rest of the gang i would gather). As the weeks progress though, we are getting deeper with the characters we need to empathise with.

The past few rehearsals, i usually choose not to draw much on emotional feelings cause well - i didn’t know if it would be a appropriate or not, or would it look too much or something - so i just ran through the lines, just trying to gather what i can most about the character. On Friday and even today (both Footstool Players rehearsal dates) I drew on a string which i didn’t want to bring out at first.

The piece ALL ended up with me breaking down - just enough for my character. What i was quite surprised with was when i just allow the emotions to come out, i got a better understanding of the character. Usually when we rehearse, Colin will ask whether i have any new thoughts on my character.. Most of the time I have answered no, nothing new to me yet… However, unearthing the feelings, brought a new sense of ‘aha’, like why is my character saying this and it gives a better thought process as well. Personally… i didn’t want to get in touch with emotions just yet…. i know i can but, just my worry that one i may get depressed about it or two.. i will lose the emotion later on. Cause hey! Bare in mind we have to do this continuously for a few nights. Wahhhh cham laaa. lol.

I am thoroughly enjoying my rehearsal process, albeit a bit short at the moment. Even more so now that we will be on a break for a quite a bit before the next rehearsal. We’ll make time for one another ^_^  Gosh… life is busy.. entertaining… sobering and just well.. sigh… it’s moment like these i cherish a lot. Performing and the hard work just puts a smile on my face..despite all the stress it may give sometimes. Let’s see how much deeper we can go in uncovering the layers.

Today was interesting. I had gone to Mid Valley to meet up with guy regarding some part time work. After finishing the meeting, I got a surprising call from Shaun who is my ex-Taylorian friend. He just got back from the UK, which is where he’s working. So it was a real pleasant surprise to get a call from him and of all places…he was also at Mid Valley..Woop pa Doop!!

After a bit of texting and calling, I found and people, I do not know why but everytime, I end up bumping into him. He will at least have one weird situation to tell me or a weird story. Haha either way, those stories are very entertaining. Today’s story was he was to buy cheese and crackers for his mom’s friend and he was suppose to pass to it to her. First thing he said to me when we greeted one another was “I hope my cheese has not melted..”

Ngeh..!!??Okkk….

Diverting yes…Now back to my real reason for writing this post. We were having a chat to catch up on what’s been happening with our lives. His in UK and mine… well here.

As we chatted, i mentioned how nice it would be to go back to Pulau Redang, which was where we had a class trip. Yeah and actual class trip we arranged by ourselves for the entire 30 people in our class. Boy that was fun! And can you believe I still don’t have pictures from that trip????

We were giving it a count.. and my gosh!!! It’s been FIVE years already since that trip. That was pretty much the last time I saw most of my classmates from Taylors. Man time flies!

You know when you were in school, we never once thought about college. Then when we are in college we never once thought about university. And then when we are in Uni we never once think about us having to get a JOB!. The dreaded ‘j’ word. It used to be the dreaded ‘hw’ for homework and assignments.

…

All the stages of growing up I suppose. We never would’ve thought we would end up where we are at today (even if we are still considered young about it). I would’ve never thought that I’d be freelancing and actually trying my hand at acting. I never would’ve thought that I would’ve just quit my job like that… There were many things I never thought of….and maybe the reason for that was because I was enjoying my ‘young and foolish’ life.

I’ve even come to a point in my life, that I’m now referring to myself as forever 22 in my head. Lol. Truth is I’m 23.. but the real truth is I’m 24. So what it’s a number. Besides I’ve been getting that I look more matured for my age since high school. No difference :P.

But yeah, I really did enjoy school days, college days and uni days. The days of no cares. No worry about bills, no worry about what to do with your life, no worry on where life is going to take you. Choose to be a moron and waste your parents cash, beg your parent to put you in a place you like, or choose to be a smart alec. Lol.

That’s the stuff..hehe

Do we really have enough time in our lives? Ever since I got into a relationship and I quit my ’stable’ job. I have had loads of questions popping into my head. For example if i really did go ahead to try and pursue this.. will I make it? Will I be able to sustain myself? This is just me I’m talking about what bout my partner? What would he think if he was the more stable bread maker… and I wasn’t. But only am able to fend myself just so I can survive.

If I freelance will it help me at all? If got a real job.. would I be able to sustain my passion for the arts, entertaining people while I suffer the life of a normal desk job (I’m not being insulting here) ?

I can’t have everything I know and right now I’m struggling and it’s tough. And I hate it on one hand, cause the reality is…. I don’t have enough cash. I don’t have the cash to want to get my own place, I don’t have the cash to try out for education to help me in this. I also don’t have the cash to suddenly go to another country and try out.

I’m bummed out.

If I was alone or single maybe it won’t be so bad. But at the same time I can’t help thinking of my ‘family future’. You know for a woman, the years are so short. There is so much we want to do and at times the opportunities don’t come. Or when they do it’s not fast or early enough.

Worse still, I would like to think that I can have kids at younger age. Considering that I know I’m on the bigger side of the scale. Which means I already have issues trying to lose weight. I’ve seen even the skinniest of people pile on the pounds when they get pregnant. Oh my gosh!! And it doesn’t help when you know you have a person who is staying with you who will tell say to you “I hope you won’t become like that”. That in reference to somebody who is really really big and obese and having a weight problem…

I’m having those moments where i could be over thinking.

I did say i was tired..

But I am more tired about this. The whole nang and dang-ing issue on Nuffnang. I personally am a fan of Nuffnang and I always will be because of the people that I have met and know through this service. However what I am not a fan of at this point anymore, is how much drama is going on the blogosphere over who flamed who and who flamed for what. (Flaming in this sense if where one blogger sort of disses another blogger or something like that). It’s just one nasty retort to another.

BTW if one wants to even consider this a “flame” or “flam” or “phlegm” or “flim” or whatever to other bloggers, maybe I am. I’m just really tired. And I don’t care if people are going to be making some retort or no retort at all over this post. I really really can’t be bothered anymore.

Let me explain, Nuffnang has it’s own version of “digg” in a way, and when you click on a post in the Innit system, it automatically “nang” it for the post and if you didn’t like the post you can always “dang” it - in short Digg = Nang and Dang=Bury.

What’s happening here, is that we have bloggers who come up with interesting titles to their post. Maybe not all their titles will lead to interesting content and that’s fine. It happens. But what I can’t stand is how some people are so blardy immature when they see a post that is going up, they want to dang it.

What’s the matter with you???What your posts isn’t going up so? You wanna dang/bury other peoples? What good does that do?

Yeah sure while on one hand, it’s fun and a great read to see what “nastiness” is going on here in the virtual, but on another hand. I find it so DAMN immature! And I’m actually ticked about it, because they are going on and on about how oh something like this post is not meant to be on top like. I mean no disrespect but I’m just feel this whole flaming thing is so entirely lame! And people are making it into like a whole big fuss and thinking its what “cool”?

Probably some fellow bloggers won’t agree with me on this but it’s what I think on this whole…. THING!

Is this what blogging is about? To go ahead and “flame” others, rant on others to just hit back at them? I have never ever liked it when I read about one blogger blasting back at another blogger. There is already so much issues and drama going on in “real” life and now you wanna put it all here too? Come on! Enough! I’d even rather read about the humorous post on what you had for lunch or what stupid stuff you saw at work, than have to read on another raging, burning, flaming post.

If you don’t like a post or a blogger for that matter. Don’t read it/ their blog and in fact don’t even comment. Does one actually think that if you were to comment something nasty there will be any satisfaction? Maybe for that moment sure.

Oh and another thing. I am admitting that at one point I did look a lot at Innit, just to see if my post had gone up and sure there are times it didn’t. I accepted that and there is a very good reason that I don’t go to Innit as much anymore, because I’ve realised that its like an addiction to see stats go up. Almost like gambling. So unless I find there is a “cause” or an important message I want to share. I’ll put up something on Innit. If not… I just don’t find the joy of putting it up anymore… Forgive me on that… Cause I don’t want to be all naggy ranty about it and then asking help from others to “Nang” it..

Sigh…

I’m not saying there is a right way to blog, rather I just don’t want to have too see good friends get sucked into the whole blasting thing. That’s just my opinion and I really do like the bloggers who stick to their ethics or beliefs on blogging…

I hate it.

It’s a terrible feeling, when you have uncertainty with the things you do in life. What is such a pain is how much, when you plan or try to organise.. I mean that’s the whole point of organising one’s life out. It’s to have the feel of control and knowing that you have a plan that could last you all the way into the future.

Spontaneity is great, but when it comes down to certain things. I don’t think it’s all that fantastic. If anything it’s not reassuring at all. When you are uncertain with dates in your life, like you want to do something or even worse when you want to do everything. You find that because you are stretched so thin, you end giving bits and pieces to everything. In the end it all becomes half baked.

Sigh…

Focus woman.. focus!!